


The Link

by Jo (jmathieson)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Early Work, Established Relationship, M/M, Not Beta Read, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 07:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8047870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jmathieson/pseuds/Jo
Summary: After the events of Star Trek III: The Search for Spock Spock regains his memories, and rejoins The Enterprise. But he hasn't remembered everything... yet.





	The Link

**Author's Note:**

> In celebration of Kirk/Spock Day, I am posting a story I wrote over 30 years ago, when I was about 16 years old. It's not the first K/S story I wrote (that one was "Kirk and Spock get trapped in a cave during a blizzard and Spock unexpectedly goes into Pon Far,") but it's the only one that was (relatively) easy to OCR from a surviving printed copy. 
> 
> I hope you find my youthful naivete as expressed in this fic charming :-)

The first two weeks of the shakedown cruise of NCC-1701A had been anything but uneventful, the ship seemed to have more bugs than a Tirellian pudding, and getting the new crew organized and working together had been one headache after another. But things were finally beginning to settle down, and Captain Jim Kirk relaxed in the centre chair. His senior staff were all on the bridge, at their stations, efficiently carrying out their duties, as usual. At least he didn't have to worry about them... 

Kirk closed his eyes and opened his mind. There had been a time when he could have felt Spock's presence at the science station, perceived his state of mind, even sent him a simple message, all through the mental link that they had shared. It had been shattered by Spock's death, and Kirk had gotten into the useless habit of occasionally probing the empty spot in his mind where it had been; like a child sticking its tongue into the hole left by a fallen tooth. The link's absence never failed to cause him pain, but now that Spock was 'back' and with him on board the Enterprise again, the pain was considerably less. 

Kirk knew that the love they shared hadn't died with Spock, but simply lay dormant in the Vulcan's still recovering mind. Kirk had spoken briefly with Sarek after their trial on Earth. 

"I know that you have strong feelings for my son, feelings that, in the past, he shared," Sarek had said. 

"Yes?" 

"I would ask that you be patient, as he will require time to understand his memories, and his feelings." 

"Thank you for warning me. Of course I will give him as much time as he needs," Kirk had answered. 

And though at times he had ached for their former closeness and intimacy, Kirk had spoken truthfully. Spock was alive, and at his side once again; those things were most important, Kirk could wait as long as it took. He knew Spock would eventually come back to him. He had known it ever since they stood on the hot sands of Vulcan, and Spock had recognized him, and spoken his name. 

Out of habit, Kirk looked in his mind for the hole he knew was there and found... something... a shadow, a tentative flicker of their former link. Joy surged through Kirk, and he inadvertently and unknowingly projected it towards Spock. 

At the science station, Spock started imperceptibly in his chair. Unaccountably, he suddenly felt joy. Was it a memory No, it Wasn't his own feeling... it was... Kirk's. How was he feeling this, and how did he know? Spock felt confused. He purposefully tried to clear his mind of emotion, and nearly succeeded; a small flicker of joy... Kirk's joy... remained. Still, Spock did not understand; he had vague memories associated with this feeling, memories of Kirk, but they were unclear, indistinct. Then the chime sounded for shift change, and the strange feelings evaporated. 

Kirk, Spock, and Uhura got out of their chairs and headed for the turbolift doors, but Uhura turned to speak to the young ensign who was replacing her, leaving Kirk and Spock together in the turbolift. 

"Are you free this evening, Sir?" Spock asked his captain evenly. 

"Yes Spock, after 18:00 hours, what did you have in mind?" replied Jim, hoping for perhaps game of chess, expecting no more. 

"There is a personal matter I wish to discuss with you. May I come to your cabin at 18:30?" 

"Of course, Spock, and for future reference, you don't need to make an appointment to speak to me, you're my friend." 

'I have been, and ever shall be, your friend.' The words echoed in Spock's mind. He knew he had spoken them, he knew when and he knew somehow that they were the most important words he had ever spoken. But he did not fully understand why... 

"Yes," Spock said aloud. "I will speak with you tonight." Kirk would be able to provide some of the answers, he was sure of this, again without completely understanding why. 

"I'm looking forward to it," Kirk said warmly. The turbolift stopped at Deck 7 and Kirk got out. Spock continued on to Engineering to see Scotty about one last system glitch. 

Later, in his cabin, Kirk fussed about, tiding the already neat rooms. He asked the computer for the time, then realized that he had asked three times in the last ten minutes. He chided himself. 'It's only Spock coming to talk; and you're as nervous as a kid on his first date...' Kirk grinned at the association, then began to lecture himself sternly: 'Don't push him, give him time, and space... answer his questions directly and honestly, and don't expect too much from him, be patient... it'll be ok. And whatever you do, don't push him...' 

Finally Kirk gave up and poured himself a glass of brandy from the bottle Bones had given him as a 'demotion' present. He flopped into a chair and tried, unsuccessfully, to occupy his mind with ship's business. 

The door chime sounded. 

"Come" Kirk called, standing and putting the glass aside. Spock stood silhouetted in the doorway for an instant, then stepped in and the door hissed shut behind him. 

"Good evening, Spock. Come in, sit down... I'd offer you some of this brandy, but I know you can't stand the stuff." 

Spock took a chair and Kirk sat down opposite him, vainly telling himself to calm down. He smiled at his friend, but remained silent, waiting for the Vulcan to speak. 

"First of all, I would like to thank you for having been patient, Jim. I know this has been a difficult time for you." 

"I spoke with your father before we left. He made it clear that it would be best to let you remember things at your own pace." 

"Remember isn't exactly the right word... It is difficult to explain. My memories are intact, but I do not have access to them without some trigger or cue. In the case of factual information, it was simply a matter of reviewing the necessary material. On Vulcan however, I had no 'emotional awareness' I needed to interact with humans, with my friends, in order to 'be reminded' of my feelings. 

"And now?" asked Jim Kirk.

"I am still somewhat confused about our relationship, Jim. I have memories of strong feelings for you. I know that I trust you implicitly, and that I value your friendship above all else. But I do not fully understand how I know these things. There are also other things, other feelings, I associate with you, that I do not understand, and cannot describe. If you could explain the nature of our relationship?" 

Kirk had to laugh. Then, seeing the confused expression on his friend's face, said "I'm sorry Spock, please, don't misunderstand. It's just that relationships are very complex, and they tend to resist explanation. I wish I could explain it to you Spock, but I can't... I don't understand it myself." 

Spock sat silently for a minute, and Kirk reached for the glass of brandy and sipped. He was terribly afraid that he was handling this badly, that he was saying the wrong things. 

"I had hoped you could help me..." Kirk heard the very slight note of disappointment in his friend's voice. 

"Funny, you didn't used to give up so easily," he said... knowing full well that the Vulcan would rise to the challenge. "You used to be terribly persistent, examining a problem from every angle until you found a way to get at the solution... " 

"And what 'angle' do you suggest that I am overlooking?" 

"Spock, why did you ask to see me tonight, as opposed to yesterday, or next week?" 

Spock was silent a moment before answering. "Today, on the bridge, just before end-of-shift, I felt something... it was joy. But it was not my own feeling, it was not a memory, it seemed, somehow, to come from you. I recognized the feeling as yours." 

"There was a mind-link between us, Spock, for a number of years. When you died, it was destroyed. I... occasionally felt for it, even though I knew it was no longer there..." Kirk knew that he wasn't making sense, that Spock did not remember enough to understand. 

"Why would you purposely subject yourself to a painful memory?" asked Spock.

"Because memories were all I had left of you, and each one was precious. The memory of the link most of all, because it had been proof of our... c1oseness." Jim longed to add, 'and our love' but dared not.

"And today, on the bridge?" asked Spock.

"Today, on the bridge, I finally relaxed for a minute, and realized that I missed being able to sense your state of mind. Out of habit I felt for the link in my mind and... " 

"You felt something." 

"Yes, something... like a flicker, or a shadow of our former link." Kirk tried vainly to describe what he had felt in words. 

"And this caused you to feel joy?" 

"Yes, Spock," Kirk smiled warmly, "I felt joy." 

Spock was silent for a few minutes; he steepled his fingers as he did when deep in thought. 

Kirk sat patiently, taking another sip of brandy. 'So, Spock felt it too.' He hoped he hadn't caused any problems, forcing the Vulcan to remember the mind link, but part of him thrilled at the first sign that they might be able to rebuild what they once had. 

"I remember our mind-link" said Spock, still deep in thought. "It was very meaningful to me as well... its memory provokes strong emotions." 

"Don't push yourself to remember, Spock," said Jim gently, still afraid. "I'll wait as long as is necessary. I'll always be here for you." 

"I know that, Jim. I have always known it." 

Kirk smiled warmly at him again, and Spock found himself returning a very small smile of his own. 

Link or no, he could feel Kirk's happiness from across the room. He suddenly felt an unaccountable urge to reach out and touch Jim Kirk. 'What a strange impulse!' he thought. And yet, he seemed to have memories of touches, of caresses... It was all so confusing. Should he ask Jim about these memories? He decided not to, thinking it better to return to the subject of the mind-link, as Jim had indicated that it might provide answers. 

"Tell me more about the link we shared, Jim." 

"Well, I wasn't aware of it, at first. That is, I didn't understand how it was that I sometimes knew it was you at my door, or that you were feeling agitated, or unhappy. I figured it was plain old human intuition. And you denied it too, at first. You were ashamed of it, because it proved that you had deep feelings for someone--me. But then it saved your life that time on Antares 4, and you explained to me what it was."

"We never talked about it much, but it grew stronger over the years, to the point where I could always sense your presence, and your mental state, if I tried. I came to cherish it, as an affirmation of our feelings for one another, and so, I think, did you." Kirk spoke as honestly as he could, tiptoeing effectively, he thought, around the issue of their physical relationship. He didn't think Spock had yet consciously remembered that aspect of their past... he certainly hadn't given any sign. 

"An now it seems to be re-establishing itself." 

"So it seems. How do you feel about that, Spock?" 

"As if something lost has been found. I feel... more whole." 

Jim smiled happily and was again rewarded with one of the Vulcan's characteristically small but warm smiles. Oh, how Jim ached to touch him, to embrace him, to once again be held in those strong, warm arms. Jim struggled with his feelings, telling himself that he must be patient. 

"May we try to..." Spock hesitated then used the Vulcan word, "kash-naf" assuming that Kirk would understand. 

'Was it too soon to try to use the newly forming link?' Kirk wondered if he could trust himself to keep a reign on his emotions, and not project his longings... He couldn't refuse Spock's request though, the thought of the chance to feel that connection again was overpowering. 

"Yes, Spock, but..." Spock raised a questioning eyebrow. "Let's take it slowly, huh?" 

Spock nodded and closed his eyes. Jim Kirk closed his own, and sat back in the chair. He calmed and ordered his thoughts as best he could, and chose a feeling, the comfortable happy feeling of togetherness he felt at being with Spock, to project through the link. He concentrated, and found the tiny spark in the back of his mind where the link had once been firmly anchored. He concentrated on the spark, imagining it as one end of a fine selenium wire connecting their minds. He projected the feeling of togetherness along the telepathic link. 

Spock had cleared his mind and, using the memories he had now found of the link, located the place in his mind where it been. Concentrating on that place, he felt the somehow familiar impulses of his friend's thoughts. The calm feelings of happiness relaxed Spock, and the feelings of togetherness helped to strengthen the bond. Spock projected an affirmation, a sharing of the feelings. 

Kirk struggled hard to contain his joy as he felt Spock's presence through the link. He struggled even harder to suppress his memories of the time when he could have asked Spock to deepen their link into a meld, so that they could be fully together, and... Kirk reigned himself in, but not before Spock had perceived enough to open, his eyes and ask, "Why do you struggle so hard to suppress your memories?" 

"I... I don't want to overwhelm you with my memories, or my feelings." Kirk answered. 

"Memories of... us... together?" asked Spock. 

"Yes, Spock..." Kirk's heart leapt, he was afraid of pushing too far, but he desperately wanted... 

"What do you remember?" 

"I remember... being with you... feeling happiness, contentment... I remember... Jim, may I touch you?" 

Jim Kirk started. He knew Spock wasn't asking to meld. "Spock, I... I'd like that very much... but I... it would evoke some very strong feelings in me, and I... I" Kirk didn't know what to say or do. He couldn't bear to refuse, but was it the right thing to do? 

"Jim, our relationship, it was also... physical, was it not?" Spock was asking for confirmation. 

"Yes" The word came out as a tortured whisper. 

Spock stood and took a step toward his friend. "Jim, I feel... I want this, very much... and so do you. Jim, I trust you." 

Jim Kirk pushed himself out of his chair and took the step forward to bring him face to face with Spock. It was all he could do to keep himself from throwing his arms around his friend, and he nearly trembled in frustration. Kirk stared deeply into Spock's eyes, and saw the thing that the proud Vulcan could not bring himself to say, "Please." Jim Kirk nodded. 

For a moment, Spock seemed not to know what to do. Then he closed his eyes and let his feelings guide him. He slowly lifted a hand and laid his palm on Jim Kirk's cheek. The empathy that resulted from the physical contact strengthened the link - it was not a meld, but it was close enough for Spock to feel Kirk's internal battle with his emotions. 

Spock became aware of the intense longing in his friend, and was surprised to discover that what Kirk wanted most was not physical closeness, but the intimacy of the mind-meld. Spock searched his memories and found many instances of his mind intertwined with Kirk's and discovered that it usually accompanied the intertwining of their bodies. 

Kirk had raised his own hand and it sat comfortably on the back of Spock's neck, gently kneading the muscles and tendons there. 'What a delectable feeling! What joy, what happiness and comfort such simple touches could bring.' And suddenly, Spock wanted more, he wanted to experience all of Jim Kirk, mind and body. 

Spock slid his fingers into the familiar positions for mind-meld, and slipped his thoughts into Kirk's. Jim Kirk's emotional reaction was overwhelming at first, and for many minutes, they simply stood while the tide washed over them, then finally receded and settled to a warm glow. Kirk smiled, with tears in his eyes, at his friend and lover. 

_I was so afraid of never feeling this again. I've wanted it from the minute I knew you were 'back'._

_You have controlled yourself admirably._

_Well, not any more!_ Jim threw his arms around the Vulcan and squeezed as hard as he dared. 

In return, he felt the familiar strong, warm arms encircle him and hold him close. He sighed deeply in contentment. 

After a few minutes, Spock began to gently stroke Jim's face with his fingertips. It was a caress so light it barely brushed the skin, yet had the unfailing ability to arouse. Jim Kirk took a deep breath as the familiar passions rose in him; and as Spock's mind and body reacted as well. 

It was a strange and unique experience. On one level, through Jim's mind and memories, the touches and sensations were familiar; but to Spock, consciously, they were new. Spock, and Jim with him, experienced each caress for the first time, but as he did, memories were evoked in Spock, all of which were delightfully rediscovered. Jim felt the caresses in a special way too, as he, at Spock's death, had thought never to enjoy this intimacy again. 

Kirk insinuated his fingers under Spock's tunic and ran them up his friend's spine. Spock shivered with pleasure. Kirk raised his head up from Spock's shoulder and tilted it back slightly, looking up into Spock's eyes. Then he leaned forward and kissed the Vulcan gently on the lips. 

_I had to coax you to try this, remember?_ Kirk asked, as he gently, teasingly explored Spock's lips with his own. 

_I assume I learned to enjoy it._ Spock replied, as he parted his lips and slid his tongue into Kirk's mouth, caressing, then probing more deeply as their kisses became more passionate, more insistent. Spock lifted Jim a foot off the ground, so that they did not have to break their embrace, and carried him through to Jim's bedroom. Spock set Jim back down, and Jim took advantage of the slight pause to slip Spock's shirt off. Then he laid his head against the strong broad chest, and ran his hands up the Vulcan's back, kneading the warm flesh with cool hands. Spock managed somehow to push Kirk backwards onto the bed and divest him of his shirt simultaneously. They made short work of pants and boots, and lay naked together. 

_Jim, could we just lie here like this for a little while?_

_Of course, Spock, whatever you want, whatever you need._

Spock gathered Jim's body closely to his, _I want to listen to your heartbeat, and your breathing. The sounds are soothing, and they bring back such wonderful memories._

Kirk reached out to punch a button on his bedside console. 

_?_

_It locks the door and puts a 'Do not disturb for less than a decloaking Romulan Bird of Prey' flag on my comm console._

_Ingenious._

_Mmmmm, You designed it._

_?_

_I had Scotty reinstall it once we were settled in._

_?_

_No, Spock. You know better than that. There is no one but you. I was being optimistic._

_Indeed._

They lay quietly a little while longer, but then their bodies' passions took over. 

_Is there anything in particular that you would like to do?_ asked Spock. 

_Oh ... everything._

_You will have to remind me..._

_I was hoping you'd say that._ Kirk grinned as he reached one hand up towards the tip of a Vulcan ear. _So much for taking it slowly._

**Author's Note:**

> The only substantive change I have made is to replace the Vulcan word for 'mind-meld' that I made up when I wrote this story with "kash-naf" the one from the [Vulcan Language Dictionary](http://www.starbase-10.de/vld/).
> 
> Most of my current writing is Clint/Coulson. Find me on Tumblr at: [Jo Mathieson](jmathieson-fic) and on Imzy at: Purple Passion


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